Dealing With Some Common Fights in Susral
We all know that the first year of marriage can be quite demanding. It isn’t a walk in the park. It is full of surprises for both the husband and the wife, and when it presents a bonus challenge of doing so while living with Susral, the wife and the husband, both need to be super ready. Mainly because in the beginning, both are trying to get better at knowing each other, finding time for each other and most importantly trying to strike a balance between their responsibilities as wife/ husband and as a Bahu and a Beta.
The first fights or brawls at Susral are never a good experience. But let’s say you do get into a fight with your husband or your Susralis. Now what? I know it feels like your entire dream world came crushing down. All of a sudden you start feeling resentful, agitated and depressed.
In this post, we have rounded up some common fights and their reasons for you to think and reflect upon them. See how far or closely they relate to your life.
One of the most common reasons for fights in Susral (be it between the husband and the wife or between Bahu and Susral) is money. Financial disagreements about earning, spending, saving and investing money raise big questions for both the newlywed couple and for the family of the husband. In a Susral, the family lives under one roof, but in separate rooms, they still share the kitchen, living room and other spaces of the house. Similarly sharing household expenses is no different. So it does become one of the common reasons of conflicts that arise in Susral in the early days of marriage. It is so common that when a Bahu becomes a part of the family, the husband is entitled to bear all of her expenses as well as contribute to the household expenses as before. Now, this does become a challenge, but this is how it is! It does get complcicated when the couple does not discuss the money matters at the time of marriage or before marriage. This is important for both the wife and the husband as communication helps clear things out.
Another major cause for conflicts in Susral is the disagreement about having kids, when and how many. It so happens that the moment a woman is married off, the Susralis start shooting their questions at the newly-wed couple. “Khushkhabri kab suna rahi ho? Hum Daada Daadi kab banain ge? Meri khuahish hai ke iss ghar mein tumharay bachay khailain koodain.” These are some very common questions that the couple has to give answers to. Now as a couple it is always a good idea to discuss the matter and be on the same page so that many arguments do not arise in the first place.
One of the major reasons for some dreadful conflicts at Susral is dealing with the husband’s family a.k.a Susralis. In our culture it is expected of the Bahu to jell in with the Susral in all aspects of her daily life. Living under one roof with the Susral also means that the disagreements are sure to arise leading to some very complicated issues. Most of the times the disagreements are about petty matters, which sometimes take a monstrous shape. Frivolous matters such as dividing chores at home, spending time with Susralis, someone said something and someone didn’t say anything etc. they all turn into big family brawls. Such matters can be well taken care of if tackled with sanity, wisdom and patience.
Time division is another factor contributing to major family fights. The ‘Naubiahta Jora’ deserves all the right to spend time together and strengthen their bond, but dividing time between the family and spouse and then kids is one major challenge that many couples face. In our culture it is common that mothers-in-law find it hard to accept the new life and routine of the son. The time that their Beta used to spend with his mother is suddenly divided. Suddenly he spends time with his newly-wed wife. This leads to insecurities and jealousy. Here the couple needs to act wisely and set priorities. The couple needs to spend time together, but parents-in-law must not be ignored as that just leads to frustration and an invisible tug of war between the mother-in-law and the newlywed Bahu.
Every girl must bear in mind that the moment she signs her Nikah Nama, she has inadvertently said yes to the groom’s family as well. When the wife decides to spend her life with the husband, she is bound to be respectful towards her Susralis. After all the mother-in-law has given her precious Beta to another woman to look after. But this doesn’t mean that one should manipulate others emotionally. While the Bahu should treat everyone at the Susral with respect, the Susralis also need to make space for the Bahu and treat her with love and care. Unwillingness to make room for the Bahu or trying to win over the husband in competition with Susralis is a recipe for disaster.
Infidelity in a marriage leads to divorce. Period. There is nothing more painful than bearing with the treacheries of one’s life partner. In our society where we teach our girls to be loyal to their husbands, boys are also bound to learn the same lesson. Finding out one’s husband’s extramarital affair leads to big fights at home and many a times we see that upon discovering about their sons’ extramarital fling, the mothers-in-law side with their sons. Such marriages never last!
As we saw there are many common reasons for arguments and fights between husband, wife and the family, solutions to such delicate issues do exist. One must understand the value of ones’ relation and then set their course of action.
I think the major issue of Pakistani susrals are money matters and work.means k Khana bnane pe issue create hota h Ghar k degar kamo pee.so I have no personal experience of this type of fight but if somebody has experience then please guide that how to share work with in laws