Nothing is more devastating than knowing that your spouse is unfaithful to you. Despite all the love, purity, passion, comfort being given to him, he still chose to hurt you. The thought that you left your parents, siblings, and your beautiful past life for such a man, mentally kills you!
You must be feeling a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Emotions and feelings of all kinds hit you as if a stack of bricks falls on you – at once. Then comes a point where you want to answer all your “WHYS”. You start questioning your existence in his life. You start questioning all the love and purity you’ve given to him. You are so eager to know what compelled him to do that. Even if it’s something completely unrelated to your marriage or your role as a spouse in his life. Women tend to opt for an over-aggressive approach when dealing with such a situation.
Here are some ways to cope up with such a dire situation:
Don’t run away from it!
Easier said than done? I agree. But at this point, it is very important to sit down with your thoughts.
Don’t ignore this. Don’t fool yourself by telling yourself that it’ll all be okay with time. Sometimes ignorance is NOT bliss. Anger, hatred, agitation, betrayal, depression, anxiety, confusion are some of the very few emotions one feels. Having that heavy feeling in your heart and lump in your throat is the first thing for you to deal with. You would want to rationalize things before taking any sort of decision. Write your cloudy thoughts down in a diary. Make columns of what you’re feeling, and how you think you can deal with it. You have to be strong in this!
This one thing shouldn’t even be the last thing on your mind. Maintaining your dignity should be the topmost priority. You think your spouse is so low and cheap for doing this to you, right? You wouldn’t want to think the same for yourself later on by making any foolish impulsive decisions. You are bigger than that. Don’t float on the same boat as them.
Rush, and break the news!
You would want to think before doing that. Your family and friends would always think “emotionally” first. They’d always give you extreme opinions and options of either “leave” or “stay”. Honestly, it’s YOU who is the best judge of your marriage and this very decision. So don’t rush! Before any sort of confrontation, gather facts about the situation.
Some women, upon finding out about their cheating husbands tend to self-doubt, go into a massive depression, and stop taking care of themselves. Don’t ever do that! You are beautiful and you are WORTH it. Leaving yourself is no way of dealing with any situation. Take good care of yourself. Maintain yourself and look beautiful! Take a break from everything and go on a spa day to relax your brain and body.
Keep it away from the kids!
Do not be too emotional and run to your kids and tell them everything. Do not even show them that something’s wrong or poison them against your spouse. This will bring no help but it will, for sure, emotionally and mentally scar your children. So relax! And leave the kids aside. Telling them won’t help you gain any confidence or support.
Let’s sit and talk!
After thorough thinking, rationalizing, gathering facts and before breaking the news to anyone, sit like mature adults. With all composure and calm, speak to your husband about it. Clear all your doubts, ask him and listen to all his reasons. Don’t be the only one listening or don’t be the only one talking. Sort things out, find out about all the gaps and miscommunications. Don’t ask any taunting or trigger questions neither do that while replying to their questions. Draw a boundary on if you’ll ever be able to trust him again and all that he should be doing to gain it back. No harm in trying for couple counseling too! SPEAK about it very openly. If things go beyond control, without giving a second thought, speak to your family.
After making all possible efforts, confronting your partner, giving him time to clean his mess, OBSERVE!
See if he has broken all contacts related to him being unfaithful, see if there’s a change in his behavior, see what efforts he is making to gain your trust back. If things fall in your favor, and this is not his habit then there’s always a space for one more chance. BUT if it’s a habit and you see no change, do not hesitate and MOVE ON! You’ll be fine. You’ll be okay. You’ll be able to take care of everything you fear that you can’t. A woman is capable of lots of things. Don’t ever lower your worth and settle for less.