They say you can actually die for others and they will still complain you didn’t die properly. Unfortunately that’s how our society is.
Life teaches you many new lessons every day and you learn to be mature dealing with many situations and issues everyday.
In my humble opinion, after coming across so many families, my own experiences and listening to many friends’ problems, I have a firm belief that the criteria of a happily married couple in our society and to be more precise, (in a joint family system) depends on how much a couple (specially wife) are prone to suppress their wishes and desires and become a person according to how the in-laws want her to say, act and even think, then MAYBE she can become a successful daughter in-law BUT no one will ever be bothered about ‘her’ own desires and independence.
EGO and bossy attitude of elders in a joint family, non stop interference in every matter, comparisons with others to degrade them and always treating their adult-married children and their spouses as if they know nothing always lead to serious mental and physical health problems for the poor couple who had once accepted happily to live and have a perfect life in a joint family or otherwise they had given no other choice (as being the only son or other siblings conveniently left the responsibility on only one of them).
The hard fact is that unfortunately, the one who happily takes this responsibility is actually the one suffering all his life- mentally, physically and emotionally.
Every sensible girl strives to have a happily married life and starts dreaming since long but everyone has to face her own challenges. There are so many things unsaid as no one would ever understand her problems.
Freedom of speech and expression is really important. One can always convey her point of view, her desires, her wishes, keeping respect for others. When you keep on doing everything for others and never share with anyone how you feel or what you want, no one really understands.
Even your own kids don’t realise and take you for granted.
As the time passes, these never ending issues become more and more making one crazy and mentally unhealthy.
Life is not as it seems.
A girl gets married dreaming about many beautiful moments but actually comes across an endless struggle to make everyone happy, leaving behind all her desires.
It’s just doing everything how the in-laws want, and then facing your own kids’ tantrums and dealing with hubby at the same time.
It becomes really tiring and exhausting.
While achieving the target to make everyone happy, looking after everyone, dealing with non stop issues, even dealing with your own kids the way in-laws want them to be and so on………actually your own kids are always neglected in all this nonsense, and as a couple, you can never achieve that bonding and togetherness which you always wished for.
The husband in such situations is equally going through the same mental trauma but he is helpless to maintain a balance between his parents and his own family. Either he can make his parents happy ignoring his wife or he can make his wife happy by hurting his parents.
The solution: maturity?
Our actions should not be in reaction to others’ opinions towards our spouse and kids.
We struggle all our lives for better quality of life, our kids’ education and their successful
future. We want to do everything so that our kids have a better life as compared to us.
In this race to achieve so much in life, we are actually spoon feeding our kids and forget to teach them the maturity they actually need to maintain a balanced practical life.
Husbands become so busy in jobs that all the responsibility of dealing with their parents, raising kids, then dealing with teenage kids, facing other in-laws’ issues automatically comes on the wife.
The more she keeps on fulfilling all the responsibilities without sharing her burden with her husband or telling him how she feels, he never realises or feels the severity of any situation unless it gets out of control.
Many issues can be solved and relationships can be better If we just learn to appreciate each other, compliment each other, learn to accept each other as they are and try to solve the issues together.
The rigid attitude?
We should be flexible enough to change our habits, keeping our ego aside, considering our kids as human beings who can have their own thinking and personality different from us. We can’t always enforce everything the way we want it to be.
We can guide our kids but once they are adults and have their own family, it’s wise not to interfere in every matter and enforce things how you want them to be. Let them experience life and learn from their mistakes. Let’s not do their comparisons with others to degrade them and accept them as they are.
We have to teach our daughters to be strong enough to deal with every situation with maturity and stand for their rights where needed.
At the same time, it’s equally important to teach our sons to be mature enough to deal with their parents and wives with respect.
When a wife is doing everything for her husband, why can’t a husband take a stand for his wife?
It’s the husband who can keep a balance to have a pleasant environment at home.
Let’s keep our ego aside, listen to each other’s problems while considering ourselves in their shoes, only then we can understand each other and have a better married life if not a perfect happy one.
If we stand strong with each other as a couple and face everything with maturity, everything becomes better 💕