How To Move Out Of A Joint Family System With Grit And Grace?

A girl gotta do what a girl gotta do

Moving out is a big step in one’s life especially when it’s moving out of a joint family system. Get ready to hear some very dramatic gasps from random aunties in the neighborhood, who will look at this as one of the seven deadliest sins one could ever fathom to commit. There will be loads of judgemental glances not so subtly thrown your way and you will be the star of hushed conversations in everybody’s home for decades to come. But what has to be done has to be done. Especially if you feel as if you don’t belong with your in-laws but like an outsider looking in. Your in-laws find a way to criticize everything you do from your dressing, to how you are raising a kid you kept in your womb for 9 long painful months. 

When your life becomes a series of free rides with everyone tagging along everywhere you go and you are just desperate to see your husband alone even just for a minute, you know it’s time for the talk.

The talk

It’s time for you to wear your big girl pants and have a serious conversation with your husband. Remember that this might be the hardest thing you ever have to do, so try not to lose your temper and don’t turn this into a massive argument.

Don’t expect him to immediately pack his bags and whisk you away on the next flight out of here to a land of rainbows and unicorns. Be reasonable. Rome wasn’t built in a day and this might take days and a series of conversations and back and forths for it to finally happen. 

Prepare your proposal in your head beforehand and try to stay calm and rational.

Go easy on him and make him realize how good this would be for your relationship, and you are only doing this because you love and care for him.  

Let him know how much you respect his family but how suffocated you have been feeling lately. He cares about you too, and he will eventually come around.

If you force him, you will only make him regret this decision later on, and he might come to despise you.  Instead, you can be considerate and patient and make him realize that this won’t be a permanent goodbye, and he can always see his parents.

You got this!

Now that you have your hubby on your side as this would be completely fruitless without his consent, you can finally break the news as gently as possible to the extended family.

Embrace yourself for some dramatic reactions… everything from balling their eyes out and calling you the she-devil to feigned heart attacks. Do not be intimidated or back down no matter how scary things get, because in the end you and the man you married and what you guys need should be your first priority.

Try to approach and present this as a win-win situation to both parties. Make them realize how peaceful it would be for them to have you guys out of their hair. Make this seem like the only logical way to go about, give the performance of a lifetime. 

This is your stage, and it’s your time to find your peace. Having your husband on your side would always help. But remember that this is hard for them to let go of their son, so give them time and reason to believe you and not feel unwanted or unappreciated.

Just know that you have to move out of the joint family system, it has to be done, and you weren’t hasty in your decision, but you have thought this through.  Fortunately or unfortunately, a time has come when the positive side of living in a joint family has been overshadowed by the much more negative aspects such as the constant stream of caustic remarks and endless chores. It is time to move on and out with grit and grace.