It may not seem important but maintaining a healthy relationship between your family and your husband’s family really affects your relationship with your husband. A healthy relationship between you and your spouse does somehow depend on your terms with his family and vice versa. Being a man, your husband would subconsciously want you to get along with his family and parents so that he doesn’t have to become a sandwich between the two parties. And you being the wife would also want that your parents have certain respect in your new home and that your in-laws are welcoming towards your family especially your parents.
There are some basic things you can practice to try to build a good bond between both the families.
Do not gossip with your family:
Whenever something happens in susral, it is the basic nature of girls that the daughters in law tend to report back to their moms or gossip about the little to big mention-worthy things that happen in their susrals (In-laws). However, it has been observed that this type of behavior spreads a certain kind of negativity in both families. Your parents would develop a certain kind of image about your in-laws and your in-laws (if they find out what you have been talking to your parents about) would retreat and make a certain fuss out of you talking to your parents about their matters. (even if their married daughter does the same). So, learn to avoid the gossip.
Praise your in-laws in front of your parents:
Mention all the sweet gestures your in-laws do for you in front of your family. Exaggerate if you have to. When your parents are satisfied that their daughter is happy in that house, they automatically start to respect your in-laws and that becomes the first step in maintaining peace between the two families. On the contrary, if you start pitching in all the bad things you’ve felt in susral or all the times you’ve felt ignored or insulted, your parents would eventually lose all the respect for your in-laws and that would make things worse. Not saying that you should ignore and not mention domestic or mental violence and torture but the small rather ignoreable gestures.
Play the cupid:
If one party is inviting the other on lunch/dinner you could play the cupid and tell them the likes and dislikes of the other party but in a manner that wouldn’t offend anyone and make it look like they were considerate of the taste of the other party.
Differing opinions and ideas:
Two people or parties may have different political, religious and philosophical ideas. Your parents may have different ideologies from those held by our in-laws, so don’t think that they both must always agree with each other’s ideas. But they can be considerate of each other’s thoughts that reflect in their facial expressions and attitudes when the other person is sharing their point of view. Both parties should respect the other’s ideas even though they may not agree with them.
Exchanging gifts is always a healthy habit to promote a healthy atmosphere. Giving gifts is also encouraged in Islam. Make sure both parties know when to give a mubaraki to the other without making an issue out of it – if they don’t. But keep in mind the nature of both parties, if your mother-in-law is the kind who’d always mock the other person’s efforts and would not praise a gesture of kindness then that is a totally different situation which must be handled accordingly.
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