Aik Chup, Sau Sukh – Justified Or Not!
Aik chup, sau sukh (Keep quiet once and you’ll get hundreds of blessings in reward); I’m sure a whole lot of young girls who are about to get married have been told this saying from their elders. And so many ladies who are going through a rough patch in susral are told this by other ladies or their elders. But is this saying valid, justified, and applicable in the current era? Let’s take a deeper look at it.
Disclaimer: I’m not a huge fan of this saying. I think this saying has been wrongly used to shut the girl’s right to communication off and leave her in the cold.
Petty issues and small misunderstandings happen in all houses. When more than one schools of thought live under the same roof, naturally, people have different ethics, different taste, different living standards, and goals… they are most likely to feel a bit difficult to adjust with and accept each other. As they rightly say that even a plant when changes its pot, takes time to start growing again.
However, in a joint family system, it is not okay to only expect the incoming daughter-in-law to always be the one who will adjust and cooperate with the rest of the family. Both should be expected to cope and adjust according to each other as equals.
Next, come the bigger issues like the same old plotting, scheming, manipulating, and drama that comes with 90 percent joint family systems. Either a phupho saas whose daughter was a candidate for your husband’s rishta, an overly dominant mother-in-law who got her son married but just cannot let go of the feeling to share her son, or a sister-in-law who has no interest in her own house and life but will die trying to control her brother’s married and personal life. Cheers, you have walked into a reality show like “big boss” where your survival instincts need to be very high but at the same time, you’ll have to become more promptly decisive. You will need to learn and work on your reactions now more than ever.
Yes, in some cases you should ignore and let stuff be. But you’ll also have to be able to learn when to be quiet and let things go and when enough is enough, the water has crossed your level of patience and you need to take a stand.
It’s high time TV shows stop showing that the lead role was all “bardasht and sabar” for 35 episodes to normalize that the daughter-in-law should always tolerate unjust behavior. They should rather start showing some strong-willed and resolute characters who know how to tackle situations while maintaining the boundaries of respect for others and at the same time protecting their dignity.
Let me explain my point while giving references to a few TV serials that are showing susrali issues and then let’s make a comparison of how the lead role (the bahu) should have reacted.
Nand (ARY DIGITAL):
I’ll start with Nand as having to deal with an overly meddling nand is something lots of girls have had to relate with. Let’s admit we all have seen sisters-in-law with a variety of levels 1 to 10 crazy who were not willing to let their maika at peace and rather focus on their own lives. We have seen Gohar play the villain and make a living hell out of the lives of her both bhabhis. Let’s not get into what should happen with Gohar. But for me the lead role Rabi is so so so problematic, I mean what are they showing? The lead role has no self-respect, is not strong at all, and cannot protect or defend herself even when she had been accused of illegal affairs.
Verdict: Her chup hasn’t done any good to her so far and how many of the sau sukh is she going to gather in just the last episode?
Click here to watch the drama Nanad.
Bharaas (ARY DIGITAL):
A classic situation of a rejected girl who can’t let go of her married cousin and just has to get that one guy back as if the rest of the world has finished and that one man is the last man on Earth. However, all praise to Zoya (the lead role). The way she tackles the guy’s wicked cousin and mother with so much strength and dignity is just what we need to start showing on TV these days. Her character is more realistic and relatable for the viewers. The way she defends herself, faces the bad guy, and stands up for herself is what we should be teaching our daughters and preach that they need to be strong and confident.
Click here to watch the drama Bharaas.
Ghisi Piti Muhabbat (ARY DIGITAL):
In this serial, we saw Samia (the lead role) dealing with her abusive sister in law so perfectly that she left us all in awe. The way she dealt with her mother-in-law’s tantrums and criticism… I’d say kudos to her. The divorce she got, however, was a different story and not because of how she bravely dealt with her in-laws.
Click here to watch the drama Ghisi Piti Mohabbat.
Ghalati (ARY DIGITAL):
Then there was Ghalati that was aired a few months ago and was also about the typical susrali issues. However, again the writer could not handle the plot. The girl took too long to stand up for herself and once she did, they killed off her father.
There is this extremely problematic trope of killing off the girl’s father when she finally decides to kill her CHUP not only in this serial but a whole lot of others too. This trend again unknowingly is preaching girls to stay quiet for the sake of it. Her chup again did her no good.
Click here to watch the drama Ghalati.
To conclude, I think it is unjust to keep on telling our generation to stay quiet and compromise in all situations. We need to understand that the era when those sayings were made has passed and new eras should have new sayings.
Also, from my personal experience, I have learned that staying quiet does you no good. Taking a stand for yourself and being smart is the need of the present time and era. What are your views based on your personal experiences? If you don’t agree, convince me in the comments.