No party is complete without that one uncle regaling and entertaining everyone with his personal anecdotes, spontaneous bursts of laughter and giggles from all corners of the rooms, clattering of dishes, and excited screaming of hyper kids high on sugar and life. And of course, your Saas (mother-in-law), while everyone is dishing gossip, is dishing insults, and unfortunately, they are all fired at you.
You feel like a soldier on the battlefield running and tactfully dodging your Saas’ (mother-in-law) relentless and infinite supply of insults and jabs, while helplessly throwing glances in your hubby’s direction pleading to be rescued like some damsel in distress.
But your cries of help go unnoticed and he sits there oblivious, stuffing his face and living his best life while looking at you adoringly finding no fault with the words constantly spewing out of his mother’s mouth.
She knows to hit you exactly where it hurts, as people laugh politely while avoiding eye contact with you. You feel humiliated at first and want the Earth to open up and swallow you whole right this second until the fury sets in – the blind rage at the audacity of this woman. But you were raised better and have to painfully bite down the words struggling to be set free and issue havoc.
What the demon tells you to do
Slit her throat and bathe in her blood like some psychotic serial killer, and a hundred other possibilities which would without a doubt land you in prison.
The humane solution
Physically remove yourself from the toxic situation, and whatever happens, do not have a diva-like showdown – you are not a Kardashian and this is not a T.V series, it’s real life.
You are the bigger person. Smile and bear with it, get a few jokes in yourself, let her know her words don’t affect you. “Kill them with kindness,” like Selena once said. But while you gracefully accept the role as a bigger person at the party, don’t forget to raise this issue later.
First, with your hubby, tell him how it made you feel being disrespected in front of all your guests and get your story straight with him, know that you have his full support before you confront your mother-in-law as a united front.
But this is your fight, so don’t cower behind your hubby expecting him to always be your knight in shining armor, but confront your own demons… in this case, your Saas (mother-in-law).
First, try to approach her logically and try to put yourself in her shoes and try and talk out things with her. Get to know her and her side of the story better.
When that doesn’t work and she looks at you incredulously, outright waving off all your concerns and feelings, start distancing yourself. Set boundaries and maintain them at all costs. Stop going that extra mile to please her because at the end of the day your Saas (mother-in-law) is not your mother and she can never be one.
Some words to the wise
Whatever solution you go with, always remember that those words said in spite do not define who you are. You are so much better than them.
You are worth so much more and even when it gets hard, don’t take those things personally and always have a positive attitude and outlook towards yourself. It gets better.
So keep smiling and maybe occasionally call her out innocently and subtly when she crosses a line in front of others, so she knows that while you have the utmost respect for her as she did give birth to your better half, you also respect yourself.