Sounds tempting, right? Living and adjusting in susral (in-laws) can sometimes become the trickiest and complicated thing for a girl. At a certain point, you might feel like you are about to explode. But hold that thought, because if you are living under the same roof as your in-laws and don’t get along with them as much as you would in an ideal situation, you might want to read some pointers to learn to cope with the current situation you are facing.
01. Pep talk
Whatever you are facing, trust me it’s not as bad as it seems right now. It’s not the end of the world. Count your blessings. You’ll figure it out. Sometimes all you need is someone who would listen to you. You just need to vent out and it starts feeling better. Find your confidant. Even if you can’t find anyone and feel uneasy while sharing such stuff with someone else, it’s okay. Naturally, sometimes we don’t feel like sharing every tiny detail of our personal married life with anyone but even in such cases, sometimes what I do is, I text myself what I feel like saying, and then I feel better. Just learn to figure out if the matter you are facing can be handled by some pep talk or if it needs addressing to the spouse.
02. Make a happy bubble around you
As unreal as this might seem, it helps. In-laws are bound to try to make you feel bad and pull you down. In such situations, remember what you have, what makes you happy. Figure out your blessing – be it your husband, your child, your career, or any other thing and hold on to that light. Even in the darkest of moments, remind yourself that even if this looks bad, you have to keep going and keep shining for the sake of that one true blessing. Try to remain positive.
03. Ignore with a smile
Mothers-in-law always have something to say. You made lunch, everyone praises you but she just can’t cope so she’ll randomly say, “Haye mircho’n ne mera blood pressure barha dya,” (The spices have increased my blood pressure). It feels bad. I know it does but you don’t need her approval. She doesn’t like it? It’s totally fine. You don’t have to get frustrated. Or just think in your head that it’s not the mirchi (spices) in the food but the mirchi that has burnt the MIL and smile away.
There are times when you are not in the position to fight back. In such a situation, give the coolest answer back to them in your head and smile with the thought of what would have happened if you could actually say that. I talked to many women who were living with their susralis (in-laws) in such oppressed situations where they can’t defend themselves and for them, this trick worked. One lady said, “My mother-in-law would get all furious about why I’d smile and everyone would tell her to calm down and that I only smiled and didn’t fight back so she needs to control her anger.”
04. Suno sabki, karo apni
In susral, everyone has something to say about everything whether you ask for the advice or not. In such a situation you need to learn to filter out what is not good for your peace of mind and just ignore it. Listen to them, tell them, “Han ji sahih hai,” (Yes, alright), and then do whatever is right for you and your husband because if you start stressing about everything that everyone says, you’ll go crazy in a very short span of time. They’ll have something to say even about your personal matters like family planning, but you need to learn to stick to your plans and leave the rest to Allah.
05. Forgive but don’t forget
Quarrels, fights, and arguments are bound to happen in susral. Someone asks for forgiveness and you are willing to forgive. That’s all good but you need to keep in mind that some people never change. Don’t be surprised if they repeat the same mistakes. Keep an eye open and be alert from the inside so that you don’t get shocked. Do remember what they did but at the same time, peace of your mind depends on the fact that you forgive them. Vengeance never leads to any good. You’ll sleep much more peacefully if you just forgive them and leave the rest to Allah.
06. Communicate with your spouse
This is so important that I can’t stress enough on it. Always communicate! Remember to think before you start your conversation and make pointers on what you’ll say because talking about your gharelu (domestic) issues to your husband can be very tricky. For you, they are just people who are hurting your feelings but for him, it’s his family that you are talking about. Remember to be kind, but at the same time make sure you let him know what’s troubling you so that even if it’s you against the whole world, you have someone holding your hand to support you.
07. Remember where you come from
“Jaise ko taisa,” does sound powerful, but while we’re at it, don’t ever let go of yourself, what your parents taught you, and your upbringing. Don’t get too carried away with the hate situation in your susral and remember to question yourself from time to time if you can recognize yourself because it is natural to sometimes get caught in a heated moment and later regret your reaction to a certain hateful scenario.
08. Don’t become a Gopi Bahu
Everyone likes to be praised but make sure that you aren’t being bullied and that you haven’t become a doormat for people to come and push you around. Make sure you are taking care of yourself, that you know your self-worth, and don’t settle for less. Don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t good enough.
These points might be helpful now but even I forget some of these while I’m in a critical susrali situation, bookmark this article and make sure to use it when you need it. What else helps keep you sane in susral? Comment below and share your secret with our readers.
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