How Can A Newlywed Deal With “Khushkhabri Kab Sunao Gi…” Syndrome?

“Haw haye, beta it’s been six months and still no good news?” said aunty while sipping the tea with your mother-in-law. “Beta, my bahu conceived within a month MaashaAllah,” she added while you, screaming on the inside, smiled and offered her Samosas.

Is this some sort of a race? 

Why are in-laws and relatives so much into a newlywed’s bedroom life? Sadly, it is only these women who, on the other hand, portray themselves as being very open-minded, educated, and very non-interfering type. But sadly, such ladies are adat se majboor! 

Starting a family is a huge responsibility. One should be mindful of that and do it once ready. Don’t fall into traps or come under pressure.

Coping up with this question is the most arduous thing in a newlywed’s life. Let me tell you from my experience. After ruining my mental health (which had compelled me to think that I had endometriosis, fused fallopian tubules, and all the possible problems related to never being able to become a mother), and my relationship with my husband (who was very much convinced that I was a big emotional mess to deal with), here is how I learned to deal with this question:

Do not feel shy to answer this question.

After being that girl who would just put a fake smile on her face and shy away from this question, start answering. “Some matters are pretty personal to be spoken about so openly and should be left to the couple,” can be said very politely with a big smile of confidence on your face. Trust me, you rocked and aunty shocked.

Never doubt yourself!

Every time someone would ask this very question and despite replying to them back, this question would haunt you while sitting alone. It is but natural to feel that way, but there comes a point where you start doubting yourself. You start overthinking to such an extent that you would want to cry every month over not conceiving until you do! Trust me, ladies! Don’t waste your tears over other people’s words! They are consuming your energies. That is literally what people love to do.

Repeat with me:

“I am completely okay.”

“There is nothing wrong with me”. 

“I am educated and confident”. 

“Things will happen when God wants them to”. “My faith is stronger than everything and my anxiety is lying to me”. Repeat this! Every time you start doubting yourself.

Focus on your work and do what makes you happy!

Keep yourself busy and distracted. At all times. A housewife or a working woman, keep your brain super occupied with work. Plan trips to look forward to, try a new recipe, plan a new work strategy, redecorate or do whatsoever makes you happy. Be it dressing up for no reason at all! Whatsoever! The ‘baby thought’ should be the last thing on your mind.

Stop ruining your relationship!

“Why is it not happening?” 

“When will it happen?” 

“Let’s go to the doctor.” 

“People keep asking me, what should I say in return?” 

“I think we shouldn’t wait anymore.”

STOP WHINING ABOUT ALL THIS IN FRONT OF YOUR HUSBAND.

At one point, he would get irritated and stop caring and you’ll be left alone with this dire-some situation to deal with. You don’t want that mess so early in your marriage. Yes, talk about it with him and how it bothers you in a very light and composed manner. Don’t spoil the romance over some villain’s interference.

Don’t make this a matter of life and death.

Just relax! Breathe. Don’t waste your energies boiling your blood over this invalid question asked. Things happen in their own sweet time. Pick a time in your day and sit with your thoughts. Think about the anxiety this question gives you. Take that negative energy out by writing your thoughts down and then that is it! No more thinking about it for the rest of day. Be happy, show others that you are happy, content, and very much comfortable despite being asked a million times. STOP CARING.

These self-learned tips made my life so much easier. Not that people, be it my immediate in-laws or relatives, stopped asking but instead, I became indifferent to this question. Eventually, when I became DHEET and not awkward at all about being asked this question, they stopped asking me. 

Life has so many things to deal with, to be happy about, and to keep yourselves busy with my beautiful ladies. This one ain’t that big a deal to deal with or be bothered about for a strong, empowered, confident woman like you. Enjoy your marriage and romance. Especially those initial days which then are missed most!