Suggestions To The Parents Of A “Bride-to-be” To Assess A Potential Rishta/ Proposal

My lovelies, gone are the days when a random aunty popped up at the door with her ever-available son and slain your dreams and aspirations like Zeus murdered Cronus. 

Such an aunty hits the threshold of being vile and brainwashes your parents into thinking that her son is a perfect son-in-law but you, peeking through the ajar window or overhearing your innocent parents falling prey, know well that the idiot, munching shamelessly on the pakoras and samosas from your hard-earned money, sure as hell doesn’t deserve you. For you, it’s an unexplainable feeling, but in reality, it’s the antivirus God installed to detect such morons. And no, don’t mind me calling them such titles because, my dear, it is what it is. Your destiny is yours to create, it always has been and the aunty; no matter the source she came from, is in no way in charge of immobilizing it. More danger if she is known because then it becomes easier for your parents to say ‘yes’ even when they mean a clear ‘no’. And that’s how, my lovelies, generations lose track. 

The intricate web of a-good-Rishta and perfect-fit is so fabricated in our societies that parents don’t think ahead of a continuous cash inflow and big ol’ house. 

Necessities they are, wholly agree, but what if your daughter wants a beautiful backyard with a huge Jacuzzi and that guy could only give a broken shower head? What if she wishes to grow old with him flipping pancakes, not Rotis? What if she aims to be a fashion blogger but marrying that guy would just eradicate all that she has ever aspired to achieve? 

No, I am not being materialistic but it’s also not wrong to have expectations of living a provided life. And no, it doesn’t make you a gold digger. Nor it qualifies you for being a ‘lalchi’. Parents need to realize that times have changed. Not because domestic violence has increased, or social media has gained power but because girls have realized more than just societal responsibilities. Like come on, you aren’t born to just work 9 to 5 or have a pathetic groom on your head who would just feast on you like a dessert. Yes, mind me, we desi people love meetha more than anything else. No sacrifice. 

With all this and more, innocent parents are being turned down that their daughter is too old, too skinny, too pale, too dark, too stout, or even too educated to get married in a certain niche. Nonsense! 

For as long as humans have existed, men have always needed women to survive and this includes catering their rights as well. I am not a feminist, nor do I believe in chauvinism, but what’s rightly right. Because, in the end, truth always prevails regardless of how flawlessly people try to conceal it.

So to all the parents, please know that it’s prohibited to force your daughter to marry someone. Did you hear me? It’s prohibited! Just the same as consuming usury, indulging in fornication, and even eating pork. 

Children don’t just see, they absorb. And if you will force them, it’ll not only destroy their mental peace but will also contribute to their toxic parenting. Maybe you are forcing your daughter to have a drop but what if Allah has written an ocean for her? What if she can achieve much more than just making gol Rotis and living her nightmare? What if she will hold you accountable every single night for the trauma you’ve made her go through? 

Trust me, it’s not hard listening to your child and fulfilling their needs. They are from you, sharing the same tissue, flesh, and blood. What makes you doubt their gut then? What makes you believe that your daughter will not get any more proposals? What makes you lose faith in HIM? 

If your daughter seems uncomfortable with a certain offer, talk it through, listen to the vibe and let her vent. Even more so, gently confront if she would like to introduce someone she has an interest in. A healthy marriage starts with a healthy mindset, and the more power you’ll instill in your daughter, the better of a wife and mother she would strive to be. Because deep down, she will have peace with her husband and this would not only make her respect your decision but would also boost her confidence in nurturing a great generation. 

So hear me out when I say that you shouldn’t go for what seems appealing to ‘your’ eyes but to your daughter’s heart. Trust me, she knows what feels right. She really does. Just sit down and talk about what’s scaring her. Be kind. Show compassion. No one has ever died of being gentle but people have died of depression, domestic violence, and suicide. Don’t let your daughter be the next headline. And yes, mind me again, in no way do I encourage disrespecting elders or being neglectful about their sacrifices, but marriage is a two-way process and requires both the effort of a man and woman. And with today’s women eating all the junk, they can’t put in a lot of effort. Yeah. Make life easy for them. You’re welcome.