Anonymous Bahu #01 Struggles With Susrali Issues – Episode 04 (11-07-2020)
Continued from Episode 03
The second year started with much more drama in my life because my SIL’s susral was in Hyderabad so we would visit them very regularly and traveling with a little baby of 4 months seemed to be very hectic. From regular, I mean twice or sometimes thrice a month. She then would come and stay with us and would create drama on little things saying, “Aap log to itna bachi ko dekhte hain. Mere han to koi bachi ko daikhnai wala he nhi hai. Main sara kam khud karon or bachi ko bhi daikhon.”Just to mention I went to my SIL’s susral several times and had seen her husband and in-laws helping her with the child and at my house If my MIL held my daughter for a while, she would start saying, “Tumhain to bachi palni he nahi aati. Hum he liye rahain bus tumse to sambhalti nahi hai.” but it was not like that…
I introduced my daughter to books at a very early age. When she was about 3 months she used to see black and white books and would love and enjoy them. But this was an issue. My SIL used to say, “Ye umer hai in sub cheezon ki. School bhejdo isko abhi say.” When I used to talk to my baby, she would remark, “Baat kar kar ke batooni bana diya hai,” because my darling little baby would make an expression and try to respond to me.
Then my SIL’s husband’s job contract ended and when they offered it again, my SIL didn’t let him go because he had been working abroad and my SIL used to live with her in-laws (But mostly with us) but hype was made that she had to live with her in-laws. She manipulated her husband by making him realize that his parents were his responsibility and not hers and that she worked for them just like a maid. She would tell him that she raised his child all by herself which was not true because he (SIL’s husband) would come on occasions for 2 to 3months twice a year or sometimes more.
Now the worst days of my life started when they started coming for months to find a job here in Karachi and finally he got a decent job. I was thinking that now this drama would end up. But no. They permanently shifted with us and now the interference from them also heightened. “You should not do this to your child, You should not make her eat this. You can’t feed her that. Even how many clothing layers my child should wear was also being decided by MIL and SIL.
Financial Constraints – No Pocket Money:
Then came a drama when I asked my husband for pocket money because he used to give me money just for my baby’s milk and diapers. I would be left with no money after that. I was lacking money for basic needs, but when I tried to convince him he told me, “Kapray tumhe mil jate hain. Khanay ki koi kami nahi. Sub to mil jata hai. Tumhe paison ki kya zaroorat?” When I insisted that I wanted to buy personal stuff other than those, he told me, “I know your thinking. You think that I use my money on my parents and brother; not on you both. But don’t you remember how much money I used on your delivery, regular medical checkups and ultrasound?” This was a very shameful statement because I always listened to my maids saying such stuff and never had I ever heard this in my family that the spouse could make you feel like that about the money they spend on your delivery and pregnancy.
Another thing which happened before that I would like to mention is that my SIL’s husband is a good looking person, so these people thought that every other girl was drooling over him, but that’s not true. Now when my MIL saw he (SIL’s husband) was impressed by my knowledge and my work, she started blaming me saying, “You only work to impress him.” One time she blamed me saying that the SIL’s husband was saying that you stared at him badly!!! Just to clear myself, my head used to always be covered and why would I try to impress him. Like seriously if I actually wanted to impress somebody it would and should be my husband, not anybody else, not even my MIL.
Usually I was the one opening the door. If somebody came, I used to look out the window first if I would see a known face, if not, I would call somebody else to open the door. So one day the bell rang and I went to the window to see who was there, to which my MIL started shouting at me, “Kis kisam ki aurat hai ye? Sharam nahi aati isko zara bhi. Dupatta rakhne ki bhi tameez nahi hai. Bartan dhone ke bahane say bhi khirki mai khari (standing) ane jane walon ko daikhti hai.” Just to mention I used to close the window while washing dishes. She used to tell me, “Hawa nahi aa rahi. Thora toh kholo.” And all this was happening in front of my husband, BIL, FIL, SIL and SIL’s husband and nobody – literally nobody uttered a word. I felt miserable. I went and I cried. I cried in sujood because I simply wanted to kill myself after hearing all this nonsense!
Then they started saying that my baby disturbs him when he comes from office so I should keep her in the room and not come out.
So finally my baby’s first birthday was coming and before that in my relatives there was my ammi’s mamoo’s grand daughter’s birthday. To which my husband and I were invited. It was a big issue that not everybody was invited. So we went there. After we left our car was blocked. On that my husband started shouting at me, “No one asked us this and that. They should have chosen the place. They have a proper parking space and all and he shouted and shouted.”
Baby’s First Birthday:
Next day we had planned to go to Dream World with the whole family so I told my husband that I won’t go because he involved my whole family in the issue and used bad words for them. He told me if I didn’t go, he would drop me to my mom’s place and won’t contact, to which I said that I would go because my mom is a migraine patient and she was having a migraine on those days. So we went, he acted all normal as if nothing had happened. So finally we started playing for our little one’s birthday and everything was decided by my MIL, BIL, SIL, her husband and my husband. My baby’s dress was bought by her father from abroad and even the shoes. The only thing I bought her was a headband and wings (Thank God I got a chance). We didn’t give any gift to our daughter on her first birthday because my husband said that he was doing this all for her, like celebrating her birthday. She didn’t receive anything fancy from her paternal side of the family. I forgot to mention that my SIL’s and my daughter have birthdays five days apart so my husband asked her if we could do the birthdays together. Thankfully my SIL’s husband refused. After seeing the praise we got from our baby’s birthday, she decided that she would also have a grand birthday which she did and honestly from our side nobody gave her anything fancy. I asked my husband to give her something of gold and he refused because his mother tells him not to show his wife what he’s spending on his side of the family…
After all these parties, they (SIL and her husband) actually started to search for a house for themselves. Seriously before that they would go everyday, but would go to highway projects and projects which were under construction thinking they might invest and live in a rented place. But finally they started searching for a place to live in. I was more than happy. Then they finally finally chose an apartment and bought it. During the shifting process my SIL used to tell her mother everyday that now she had her own house and that she won’t come to our house and this and that. Finally they shifted to their newly bought apartment. She was settling things in her house and visited us once a week – just to meet us.
On this note our second year of marriage came to an end. I will share my 3rd year’s story real soon. Keep reading and remember me in your duas.
To be continued… Last Episode
Published by SS Editor on behalf of an anonymous author
Just leave them and make your own life. Do a job and raise ur child