Anonymous Bahu #01 Struggles With Susrali Issues – Last Episode (16-07-2020)

Continued from Episode 04

My third year started with my MIL sending food every day to my SIL’s place because she had recently shifted to her newly bought apartment. Then my SIL’s MIL came to live with her and everybody would tell me, “Daikho, abhi toh shift hoyee hai or uske susral walay agai. Sub khud kar rahi hai akele, see how her susrali’s are, we’re so good to you still you don’t value us.” (This thing my family and I hear whenever something happens). My MIL wouldn’t leave any chance to tell me every day how single-handedly her daughter was doing that. I agree my SIL’s saas was being way too much. She was calling all relatives around Karachi each day to my SIL’s place.

I told you in my previous parts that my husband works for the other half of the day, so when the lock down started, I asked him, “Let’s plan the second one because this is the right time.” He told me “Allah ki marzi.” So I assumed he won’t use protection the next time, but again that happened- I told him. He told me again, “Allah ki marzi.” When the third time this happened, I got angry. I told him that we had to stop using protection to get a child… to which he started telling me, “Tumsai aik toh sambhalti nahi hai,” then I started calmly telling him that this the right time, to which he told me, “Isko toh sahi karo, sakoon sai betho, so we can plan another or else it’s not the right time.” I then kept quiet.

Daughter’s daughter vs. Bahu’s daughter:

After a few days, we got the news that my SIL was pregnant and guess what… she again came to live with us! Now that both the kids have grown up so the issues on toys started that whatever the toy my baby is having, she (SIL’s daughter) wanted the same. Initially, she would give her the toy happily because it was just the beginning, after some time she started realizing that whenever she (my baby) would ask her for toys (SIL’s daughter) and nobody would give my baby what was in her hand and would say, “Aap different toy lailo.” That’s when my little one started to feel annoyed because she (SIL’s daughter ) would get all the attention and care. So she (My daughter) also started showing tantrums like crying out loud on which I got to hear, “Bachiii ko bigar dia hai. usko wohi cheez chayae hoti hai jo nand ki Beti k pas hai.” but the issue was seeking attention.

Then they started telling me to keep her in the room only and that I should teach a 1.6-year-old to stay in one place and sit and play, not roam here and there. That’s when my baby took it to heart and whenever I would take her out, in a microsecond she would run to her (SIL’s daughter ) to beat her or cut her. When I saw her doing this, I definitely stopped her telling her, “She’s your sister. You don’t do this to your sister.” But she was so frustrated that she (my baby) would check if I am keeping an eye on her or whether I am busy or not and then she would run to her. Hence, everybody started telling me, “Tumnai isko kya seekhadia hai?” Like seriously ??? How and why would a mother teach her baby to cut someone?

Disturbance experienced by my (Bahu’s) daughter:

Then I told them that I wanted to go to my mom’s place because my fun-loving child was getting cranky and frustrated staying in a single room all day. After living with her maternal side of the family she got better. When we got back she wouldn’t do it, meaning cut, but again she was forced to stay in the room. 

Once my MIL came and she (my baby) was opening my drawer to which she started, “Isko kamray mai khuli chutthi daidi hai. Jo karay wo karay. Sikhao isko aik jaga bethai, books parhai apni.” 

They used to keep an eye on me after a while to see if I am using my cell phone or not and then at different times would say, “Ye kamray mai bethi mobile use karti hai or bachi jo karay wo karay.” It was not like that at all because I used to teach her then let her play, scribble, play, and then feed her something and what else a person is supposed to do??

Then when I used to go out for everyday chores, they would say, “Peche to daikhti he nahi hai. Ye kaam kartay huay.” MASHAA ALLAH the house is full of people why would I run after washing every plate to see what she’s up to? If she was used to being with me in the kitchen, I would definitely see. That was another issue because if she would be in the kitchen with me, she would open cupboards and take out boxes of spoons and play – learned by her sister (SIL’s daughter) but I got scolded, “Tum mana nahi karti na!” but to be honest, how would I stop my child if the other one is doing it in front of her and nobody is stopping her? The other child would think it’s okay to do so. They would take her (SIL’s daughter ) just for round and wouldn’t take my little baby.

Then we had to shift the house because my SIL was “pregnant! “How can she climb 2 floors? They were trying to shift since I was pregnant but never really got serious on this matter. But now it was about their daughter so they took it seriously.

Nothing worked:

Before shifting my MIL’s mother came to live with us. I was all excited because I could take care of her, do all the chores and get lots of duas and maybe it would make my life better, but all my efforts were going in vain. Like every day in the morning the first thing I did was cleaning the washroom. She used my washroom and then breakfast and dishes and the list goes on. But that day when my MIL was talking to her sister, I heard her saying, “Pura din bethi rehti hai and Ammi (MIL’s Mother) kehteen hain ye pura din yahan kyoon bethi rehti hai?” To be honest I don’t get to sit much but after hearing this my heart broke because my intentions for all this were very pure. I wanted to be accepted as a part of the family and be treated as a family. Is it something very big to ask for???

Viciousness and hatred:

The second thing which is happening is that my MIL tells lies on the smallest of the smallest things and then she thinks everybody is lying to her. My  husband had bought an iPad for her before our marriage so yesterday he told my MIL that ‘wo charge karlain.’ Sometimes we can give it to our daughter. She said she (my baby) had already dropped it once and it got damaged. But the truth is my BIL had taken it outside and he dropped it and the screen got damaged badly.

Another thing which happened, my SIL or BIL (I don’t know who) used the oil and put it on the last rack and my daughter spilled it. My MIL started shouting, “Tumne rakha hai. Tumhi use karti ho, koi khayal nahi and so on.” I kept it on the top shelf then today we found my daughter again spilling it and again it was on the last shelf. Now today my MIL made a drama out of it. “Isko kuch nahi ata ye cheezain aise rakhti hai or phir manti bhi nahi ha.” Then she started telling my husband ke, “Faisla karlo iska new house mai jannai sai phele. Humay bhi sakoon chahyae.” and when tears came in my eyes then she said, “Haan, hum ziada zulm kar rahai hain toh isko maa ke ghar chhor aao.” and I forgot to mention that people who know me can vouch on it that I don’t lie. What to do?

She added that she’s saying all this because anybody can fall then she said, “Dramo mai dekha nahi hai jis sai dushmani hoti hai usko giranai ke liye oil giratai hain.” She was trying to say that I intentionally dropped it to make my SIL fall.  Save me somebody! but definitely it can’t be true.

Then my BIL asked everybody to pack up their bags as soon as possible so I immediately started packing my stuff because I already knew if I didn’t, everybody would start scolding me. When my MIL saw my things getting packed, she started making issue, “Hum pura din kitchen mai lagai rahain.” 

Let me tell you she doesn’t let me cook lest my SIL’s husband loves the food or praise it. Actually they have a complex that I am educated and features are what matters to my MIL, and I have good features with just normal skin tone. So she thinks that I have the power to attract everybody (Big LOL) because I am just an average looking person so if somebody would praise my food it can be a point of attraction too. Otherwise, I do all the chores like making ginger/ garlic paste. I would make all the masalas, all the refreshments, and beverages… even cutting and chopping vegetables. She only cooks and puts the utensils aside for me to wash them but no one considers this because my MIL has made a point that cooking is the toughest job and she does this. Forgetting that I make all the rotis to which I get to hear, “Itni dair lagadi. Hum toh itni dair mai kitnay logon ki roti banalaitai. Hum bhi joint family mai rahai han. Inkai to itnai bhai hain. Humari shadi subsai phele hoye thi, sab ka kahyal rakha, 4 nandon ka kahyal rakha. Yahan tum sai aik nand bardasht nahi hoti?”

Yes, I accept she’s a pro in making rotis but insulting me like this doesn’t feel good. I don’t do it very slowly. I just make them at my normal pace and being pro she makes them really fast considering she’s doing it since the age of 18. And I got married at the age of 23.

Maid for free, yet ridiculed:

We shifted to our new house where my MIL didn’t keep any maid because our previous one refused to come for work. Mopping, brooming, washing dishes, washing clothes, dusting are all my responsibilities except for cooking.

Recently my SIL’s dr told her that she had internal bleeding and she needs to take bed rest. So my MIL wouldn’t say anything to her and started taking out all her stress on me by shouting. Whatever I do she would say, “Ye ghalat, wo ghalat.”

Then when my baby was coming in the kitchen, she started shouting saying, “Isko laikar kamray mai nahi beth sakti tm kya? Jao kamray mai laikar betho.” Then after sometime I went again to wash dishes so she told me, “Main nai kaha na isko laikar kamray mai betho.” I went again to have dinner that time everybody went inside the AC room leaving SIL’s daughter and my daughter together. So I couldn’t go to wash the dishes because my daughter had stayed in the room for so long that she would take out her frustration. So I just took dinner and fed my baby. After a while, I gave her milk and put her to sleep a bit earlier so that I could complete my work.

When I went to do the chores, my MIL started shouting, “Humari to koi madat karnai wala nahi hai. Hum to bus akele lagai rahain.” When I told her, “My baby has slept. I will wash the dishes, you take rest.” She started shouting, “Do bartan dhonai  sai kuch nahi hojata.” Although there weren’t two dishes, there was a big pile of dishes.

This time I didn’t keep quiet. I told her, “You asked me to stay in my room.” to which she told me, “Jab bahar ayee toh bachon ki poem daikhna ziada zaruri tha kam karnai sai?” To which I told her the two kids were together. I couldn’t leave them alone. To this she said, “Aisai bolti ho jaisai hum toh bachay sambhaltai nahi hain.” I replied, “You go, take some rest. I am here to do these things.”  To which she said, “Nahi tum jao. Humnai karlia sub. Hum kar lengae.”

When I insisted she shouted, “Jao, ja kar so jao. Tang nahi karo.” 

I went to my room and slept.

Playing victim:

Next morning she started saying this to my husband, “Kuch nahi karti. Mani he lagi rahoon. Bachi bhi sambhali nahi jati. Mai bachi ko kahana dainai ka na bolon to ya khana daige he nahi.” And this process of complaining to my husband went all day.

I was going into depression because the shouting began when I woke up and lasted till I slept crying. My husband didn’t sleep with us (I know AC was not working but he was sleeping with us before this).

Next day I woke up with a severe headache and was not able to control my tears. It was like somebody would take my name and I would cry and again the shouting and everything started. I just wanted to run by this time. She came and told me, “Tumhy pata nahi kya lagta hai, tum apni khubsurti se mardon ko impress karlnge. Tumhy sari khubsurti toh chest mai daikhti hai, jabhi tum mardon ke samnai duppata sahi nahi laiti.” (I do take it properly, but I don’t know why she thinks I am beautiful in every aspect and I can impress men).

Height of savagery:

Then she said, “Tumharai maa baap nana nani subko bula kar bitha kar baaaat hogi.” 

This was the limit. I called my mom and told her to call my MIL and discuss what she wants. If she doesn’t discuss, come and take me.

After taking out her anger on my mom she was normal. In fact everybody got normal like nothing happened but my husband didn’t come to sleep. He slept with his family.

Next morning my husband came into the room to use the washroom. I tried stopping him to which he told me that he wants to talk to his dad and went. 

When I was preparing breakfast I told him it wasn’t that hot that he couldn’t sit for a while with me so after having his breakfast he went in our room. But I had so much work lined up like brooming, mopping, washing dishes, cleaning the kitchen. When I went after all this, my husband started buttering me telling me that he gets attracted when he sleeps with me. It was all foolish because where was he in all my pregnancy and after pregnancy days? Now the attraction came all of a sudden?

Suggestions please!

Just a week before this, there was another issue made up by saas and he came to inquire and tried to show that he’s on my side. I don’t know if he’s really trying to change or just showing me so the things don’t go very wrong! Please suggest what further steps I should take? Please help. Remember me and my baby in duas and my SIL also that she has a safe and healthy delivery.

Published by SS Editor on behalf of an anonymous author